JUST SAYING

Unlock New Year Secrets: The 12 Grapes Ritual

This year definitely started off on a very high note with grapes going out of sale. It’s everyone’s wish to live a good life and with every new year, there is the inevitable fear of the unknown. The desperate urge to control or have a sneak peek of what to expect. The anxiety of what a new year has in store for you can be detrimental to you and if you are fed the idea of taking charge of your year, you will take it. As I was scanning through social media, I came across trending videos of people eating grapes under a table and shortly after there is a reel of them living their best life. I had many questions running through my mind like what did grapes have to do with living an ideal life? Why eat grapes under a table? Where did this trend begin? What are the expected outcomes? What are the repercussions? The web of endless questions sent me down a rabbit hole of discovery and this is what I learnt about the 12 grapes under the table ritual.

History has a way of repeating itself and sure enough, this particular trend started off as a Spanish tradition in the 1890s. The intention behind the ritual was for good luck and prosperity in the new year. However, it became popular in 1909 as vineyard owners took advantage of this ritual to sell their grapes. It’s a pretty smart marketing strategy even in the 21st century you would agree. The specific instructions for the ritual is 12 seconds before midnight, you eat a grape with each chime under a table. You can choose to do this with friends, family or alone. It was believed that each grape represents a wish or a resolution for the new year. It is evident that before the ritual, you have to pre-meditate your resolutions or wishes for the new year. Moreover, there’s a different set of people who eat the 12 grapes 12 seconds after new years and go to the extremes of wearing red underwear for extra luck. In some other traditions, it was believed that the ritual was meant to ward off witches and evil spirits.

12 grapes, 12 wishes and 12 seconds to midnight for a “prosperous” year.

Now, there are always two sides to a story and now that we know the upsides of this ritual, but what are the repercussions? As I was doing my research, I didn’t get that many sources of people sharing the flipside of this ritual and I understand why. If you take part in the ritual by following the instructions to the latter, you get your wishes granted but if you fail to follow the instructions as indicated, what will happen to you? Simple, you will be cursed. The duration of the curse hasn’t been stipulated but amidst all world shenanigans, who want to add a curse on their list? This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t consume grapes, they are very nutritious but not one New Year’s under a table with red underwear. Even though, it has become popular to jump into trends online without doing your due diligence and seeking information about these trends, make it a resolution this year to do some digging before trying any trend. I know it might be tempting because we all want to live a perfect, trendy life but at what cost?

Ps. Just Saying.

How Expectations Shape Our Performance: The Pygmalion Effect

Recently, I took part in a theatre production that didn’t quite go as I had anticipated. I have always been fond of the theatre but I noticed that each project was different from the other. It made me question why did I do exemplarily well in one project and flopped in the other. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it up until I reviewed the most recent theatre play. I didn’t quite get along with the director because he played favorites. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t envious of the other cast members, if anything I loved working with them but I always felt a significant drift in energy every time he addressed us. Could that have played a part in me not putting my best foot forward? Did his behavior influence my delivery? How many other things have I flopped or thrived in as a response to their behavior towards me? I couldn’t let this go so I did some digging and came across the term Pygmalion Effect.

Photo by Ankush (Yogletics) on Pexels.com

Growing up, school was battlefield of it’s kind. The teacher always played favorites and the favorites always lived up to the teacher’s expectations while the kids who were poor at school received constant consistent bashing about how they would never amount to anything. Unfortunately, not many break free from this shackles of negativity. When someone speaks highly of us or has high expectations of us, we tend to work ourselves tirelessly to prove them right or maintain that reputation. Pygmalion Effect is a psychological phenomenon that describes how expectations can influence our behaviors. In simpler terms, Pygmalion Effect demonstrates how others expectations can greatly impact our delivery. If someone we respect or want to impress believes we will succeed, it influences our perception of ourselves. It could be the difference between you believing that you will achieve your dreams or that you will never amount to anything.

Pygmalion Effect demonstrates how others expectations can greatly impact our delivery. Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

The Pygmalion Effect often features in countless aspects of life. It could happen at work. Your boss could give a project to oversee and they might express how they think highly of you and your competency to deliver an impeccable project. You will work tooth and nail to live up to their expectations to avoid disappointing them. On the contrary, if the express doubts, you might as well prove them right by living up to their low expectations. This calls for us to have a deeper understanding of how expectations impact the behaviors of both ourselves and others. The bitter truth is that impression matters. Put your best foot forward when dealing with your superiors to encourage greater support for you to achieve your goals. Even though the Pygmalion Effect might lead to differential treatment which is unfair, try believing in yourself more to stay motivated and prove the naysayers otherwise. Make the Pygmalion Effect work in your favor.

Ps. Just Saying.

Why ‘Being Delulu is the Solulu’ Matters for Youth

A popular story is told of Gen Z’s and how they defy the rules that have been set and adhered to for decades. Who set these rules? We still have no clue but they have been passed down over the years. Everyone has an absurd story of how they have witnessed a Gen Z and confidently call out someone older in whatever set up for an injustice they had observed. In a recent trend, Gen Z came up with the mantra “being delulu is the solulu”. When we talk about delusion, it triggers a different reaction from different generations. The older generation will probably say, “that’s a terrible way to live, just go out there and work like the rest of us.” However, the younger generation have a contrary opinion. With the new world order, things are not favorable for the young generation. Learned but no jobs, more liberal but misunderstood, and more confident but considered entitled. Now this is where the mantra comes in and serves it’s purpose.

Delusion a false belief or judgment about external reality, held despite the incontrovertible evidence to the contrary, occurring especially in mental conditions. From this definition, you wouldn’t want to be referred to as a delusional person or associated with one. However, being delusion has become an escapism tactic for most young people in this modern era. It has worked for some and against others. Living in a fantasy world where everything works in your favor seems awesome, at least at that moment but what happens when you can’t or fail to snap back to reality. Making choices based on false judgement or beliefs is setting yourself up for failure. A perfect escapade for those who are faced with reality. Does it help you get by? Well, for a moment but it also equally destroys you. You feel the ecstasy, and you keep going back for more. Eventually, you get stuck in a loop.

However, being delusion has become an escapism tactic for most young people in this modern era. It has worked for some and against others.

As satisfying as a delusion can be, it doesn’t change reality and the moment you get your reality check, everything will come crushing down. These delusions are linked to delusional disorder which manifesting different ways. You could be delusional about having a high social standing and concluding that everyone is in love with you or you believe that you have extraordinary talent, fame, wealth or power but lack evidence to prove it. Sometimes, you ae convinced that you are being followed or that your partner is cheating on you even when they are being loyal and faithful to you. While becoming delusional seems like the easy way out for most of us who are unable to face the harsh truths of life, we might be digging our early grave. Sure, it does help you get by but at what cost? Mental health disorders? It’s not worth it all factors considered. If you are in the shackles of delusions, it’s not too late, you could try therapy, seek out a professional and reverse this toxic glorified vice.

Ps. Just Saying.

Why Are We Drawn to Fictional Characters? Exploring Lithromantic Feelings

When watching a movie or reading a book, there’s always that one character that capture’s your attention and every time they pop up in a particular scene, you get excited. Harmless, right? That popular boy band that consists of dreamy hunks that seem unreal. I mean, who hasn’t had a crush on a movie star, pop star or a fictional character from your favorite novel. I have fallen victim a couple of times and my most recent one is a popular movie star who starred in Netflix’s “Rebel Ridge”; Aaron Pierre. Cliché, I know but I couldn’t resist the buzz and just this once, I let the influence get to me. Then, I came across the term lithromance and I realized, these patterns are not just “nothing”. And here is why.

Who hasn’t had a crush on a movie star, pop star or a fictional character from your favorite novel.

A lithromantic is an individual who likes someone but doesn’t want the person to reciprocate romantic feelings or be romantic and if the other party does, they lose interest. Is this pattern starting to sound a little familiar? The romantic attraction starts to fade upon reciprocation and being single doesn’t faze you. I mean, you shouldn’t panic just because you are single but if you a little too comfortable with the idea of being alone all your life, there is cause for alarm. If you are a lithromantic, you feel suffocated or intense stress when getting into a relationship. You lose interest in potential partners or an actual partner. You find yourself craving intimacy but the moment you get to experience it, you feel uncomfortable.

The fictional content that gives you jitters but in real life you perceive it as cringe. You fantasize about relationships but preferring it in theory.

Don’t get me started on the “Booktok” fanatics. The fictional content gives you jitters but in real life you perceive it as cringe. You keep fantasizing about relationships but preferring it in theory. You feel attracted to fictional characters that you read about or watch on Netflix. You tend to like the idea of love or relationships but not the idea of you in one. Sometimes, you are attracted to someone who is in a relationship because chances of you getting together are slim to none. These examples are relatable, right? Last but definitely not least, you don’t empathize with your friends who are in relationships. You perceive heart matters as either childish or a waste of time. Well, there is no certain way to break free from this but a change of mindset and willingness to seek help is a good start. Despite the setbacks, relearn how to love love.

Ps. Just Saying.

JOMO (Joy of Missing Out)

Have you ever attended an event that you didn’t want to go to? Have you ever missed an event that you were supposed to attend and felt guilty even though you didn’t want to attend it anyways? Have you had a tight scheduled filled with activities that you don’t really enjoy but you don’t want to feel left out? Left out. No one loves that feeling. A feeling of not belonging or not fitting in. Oh, how much we try to make sure we keep tabs on everything and everyone and if we fall short, we beat up ourselves black and blue. On the other hand, a similar being of the human race who cares less about what the world out there does but derive their contentment from what makes them happy. Let’s call it JOMO (joy of missing out). Introverts are not unfamiliar with the concept because they practice this knowingly or unknowingly due to the nature of their character.

JOMO refers to the pleasure that is derived from living a quiet or independent way without the anxiety of missing out. You tend to focus more on what makes you happy and what makes you contented. That event that you have been invited to but you don’t need to go to, you politely turn it down and engage in a more fulfilling activity like a nature walk or meditation. You are selective with what you do or the activities you engage in without worrying about what others are doing minus your presence. JOMO is about the idea of finding joy and contentment in the most relevant things to you by prioritizing self-care. JOMO allows you to be authentic and true to yourself by doing what you want to do without coercion or pressure. However, it has become difficult to achieve JOMO due to social media which greatly triggers FOMO (Fear of Missing Out).

JOMO is about the idea of finding joy and contentment in the most relevant things to you by prioritizing self-care.

JOMO focuses more on the quality of what you do than the quantity. It increases the productivity and focus of an individual, increases the engagement in relationships and improves emotional and physical well-being. JOMO is crucial but again, too much of something is poisonous. Abandoning all social interaction is not ideal while FOMO is not all bad because it encourages you to step out of your comfort zone. However, you should be weary of FOMO and if you are a victim, you can always turn things around. Limiting your screen time is a great start. Regulate the time you spend on social media and the content you consume. Learn how to set boundaries by being selective on how you spend your time. Lastly, learn how to say “no”. Saying “no” doesn’t mean that you are a terrible person, but it basically means you are staying true to yourself and that’s how you achieve joy and contentment. Remember to stay true to yourself and prioritize quality life.

Ps. Just Saying.

FOMO(Fear of Missing Out)

Growing up, I had always felt alienated. I guess that stemmed from the bullying that I had to endure in pre-school but later, I got to a better school and at least there, I made a few friends; two to be specific. I never wanted to be left out or miss out on anything they were doing. If they engaged in an activity without me, it bruised me. I didn’t want to miss out on that “trio” kind of friendship that everyone my age had at the time. Any time they would leave me out of their merry making, it felt as though they betrayed me a great deal and I thought that they would grow closer and I would go tuck myself in an abandoned mitered corner just as it was my norm. Fear, at the center of it all. Fear of being alone, of missing out on experiences and opportunities. Fast forward and I am now an adult. Same girl, same dreams, still afraid but now an evolved kind of fear. The fear of missing out (FoMO).

FoMO is the fear of being alone, of missing out on experiences and opportunities.

We are living in a new era where social media is the order of the day. FoMO has become more rampant and the hours we spend glued on our devices is alarming. Feeding off of the different ideologies of what happiness is, what living a fulfilled life looks like and how to achieve this top-notch perfect life but it’s all an illusion. Lights, camera, and action! Welcome to the world of make believe, where the director gets to dictate what you see. It’s fortunate for us who get sucked in the fantasy and make huge edits in our lives so that we can get a seat at the table. It’s starts off easy with just the fear of missing out on events, information, experiences and tiktok challenges. Followed by the compulsive behavior to maintain social connections and to keep up with the latest trends and failure to which, you feel like a failure.

It’s starts off easy with just the fear of missing out on events, information, experiences and tiktok challenges.

Fear of missing out might seem like a non-issue but it could have a direct impact on your physical, mental and emotional health. Mentally and emotionally you will experience increased intrusive thoughts, the continuous cycle of negative self-talk, emotional distress that might manifest physically through increased heart palpitations, stomach tension, nausea, and body aches. The long-term effects of FoMO are anxiety, depression, low self-esteem and risky behavior like drugs and substance abuse. If you fall victim to FoMO, don’t panic. There is a chance at redemption. You can start by taking a digital detox and focusing more on what you have rather than what you lack. Keep a journal that you update regularly and on it note down the things you are grateful for. Seek out real connections with those around you and don’t be in a rush to figure everything out. Savor the moments and live a day at a time.

Savor the moments and live a day at a time.

Ps. Just Saying.

EUPHORIA VS DESPAIR (Limerence)

We have all been prone to limerence at one point in our lives. We are living in an age and time where there is a lot of social media influence that has seeped into our everyday routine. It first starts with your favorite influencer defining what an ideal partner should look like then proceed to gaslighting you into believing that you can have any partner you want if you manifest them using a trending sound. You slowly create an obsessive pattern of trying to bag that ideal partner that you are convinced you love. Limerence can occur in different ways but this is the most popular one. Let’s dive in and look into what limerence is and how to break free from this toxic habit.

Limerence is a foolish strong love and interest in someone creates an attachment where you feel the irrevocable urge to be with this person; limerent object.

Limerence is the obsessive infatuation with a specific person. It can go to lengths of delusion where you become utterly obsessed with a celebrity in a different continent and you build your entire life around them because you’re convinced you two are meant to be. You romanticize even the simplest forms of kindness they show you. That foolish strong love and interest in someone creates an attachment where you feel the irrevocable urge to be with this person; limerent object. At times, limerence might be mistaken for love at first sight and that’s precisely why we need to separate limerence from love because the line separating the lanes is a bit blurry.

Limerence is usually about obtaining affection from the limerent object while love is all about giving affection more than receiving. Limerence is manipulated by adrenaline chemicals that make you anxious when you have contact with the limerent object while love rides more on the calming hormones that make interactions with the person feel tranquil and peaceful. Limerence sees love as perfect with zero flaws while love sees flaws but accepts them regardless. Limerence has the aspect of mind games while love focuses on clear communication.

Limerence has the aspect of mind games while love focuses on clear communication.

When you are experiencing limerence, you can’t seem to stop yourself from thinking about the limerent object. It’s more about crushing on the limerence object and wanting them without a significant reason as to why you desperately want them. Limerence is a very intense feeling that makes one irrational. The emotions are often intrusive and involuntary but don’t you worry because it is not fatal. You can start by self-awareness; understand your triggers, what you want and what you need. You can also invest that time and energy you spend on your limerent object on self-care. Addressing underlying psychological issues and seeking support will aid in your recovery. Let’s undo those toxic cycles one at a time till we become the best versions of ourselves.

Ps. Just Saying.

LIABILITY TO AN ASSET(Invest in yourself)

Someone once told me that we are all sojourners in this journey of life. At times, we are disappointed with how things unfold and we end up being looped in an unproductive routine while those around us keep progressing. “You can’t keep doing the same things over and over with the same pattern and expect different results,” is a phrase we have all heard at least once in our lifetime but do we really pay attention to the intention behind these words? I have taken interest in finance and I came across some interesting terms that I think we should all apply in our everyday life. Invest, liability and asset.

Investing refers to the act of distributing resources into something to generate income or profit. In this case, you commit the resources which are time, energy and money towards you so that you can improve your value. You are not being put up for an auction but investing in yourself can attribute to living a fulfilled life. Finding our “Ikigai” is paramount and the only way to do that is to transition from a liability to an asset. A person whose behaviors put them at a disadvantage is a liability to himself or herself. Let’s look at some strategies to change that.

Set goals

You can get to your destination without mapping out your path.

You can’t get to your destination without mapping out your path. It’s crucial to clearly outline your financial, emotional, and social goals. The best way to achieve these goals is by formulating daily routines that you follow to the latter. These daily routines will lead up to weekly schedules which consists of short-term goals which will later lead to the accomplishment of long-term goals. However, your goals should be specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and time-bound.

Keep a journal

Journaling is a productive outlet and great for our mental health.

It’s key to track your everyday progress and the best way to do that is by jotting down in your journal. It brings about the habit of being accountable. You can journal your everyday interactions or any new creative ideas that pop into your head. The most insecure place for ideas is the mind, you might fail to recall or worse, they will never be actualized. Journaling is a productive outlet and great for our mental health too. Keeping a journal will help you express your emotions and ideas in a productive way.

Practice self-care

It’s key for us to prioritize ourselves.

The term self-care has now turned into a chorus that I won’t get tired of singing. Eating healthy balanced meals, getting adequate rest, working out , maintaining good hygiene practices are just but a few media of achieving self-care. Self-care definitely boosts your confidence and not forgetting the wonders it does when it comes to our mental health. It’s key for us to prioritize ourselves. It doesn’t mean that we are selfish, it basically translates to you being conscious about your need and wants that will assist you to function better.

Learn new skills

Learning a new skill puts you at an advantage while seeking opportunities.

We are in the Information Age whereby the more information you are exposed to, the more chances you have at flourishing not only socially but also career wise. There are so many new things to grasp and actualize but just incase you have no idea where to get started , find yourself a mentor who will inspire you and slowly you can add value to yourself by learning a new skill; be it a new language or even coding, the skills to impart yourself with are unlimited.

Invest in relationships

Invest time, energy and resources to strengthen the bond between family and friends.

We are all social beings and we thrive by having a support system that will have your back at all times. If you don’t relate to this, it’s probably because you don’t invest in your relationships. You should invest your time, energy and resources to strengthen the bond with your family and friends by traveling together, sharing hearty laughter over a meal, and making valuable memories. Engaging in activities that will get you networking with people will enrich your circle and add more meaning to your friendships.

With all these factors being put into consideration, you have what it takes to jump ship and become an asset. Rome wasn’t built in a day so you don’t have to create a timeline to achieve all these things. Track your progress little by little and you’ll achieve these goals one at a time and ensure to enjoy the process even as you put in the work. Take a chance and endure the pain of self-discipline because it will be worth it in the long run.

Ps. Just Saying.

PRETTY PRIVILEGE

Gone are the days when everything was rigid. A simple definition of black and white was more than enough to define so many societal issues but now in the information age, we have an area that’s shaded grey. In the grey area, we have the term “pretty privilege”. I have come across the term on several occasions especially in recent days and although some people strongly argue that pretty privilege isn’t a “thing”, I couldn’t help but look into it. From my comprehension, this term refers to beautiful people getting favors solely based on their looks. Now, with that simple definition, your interest has been picked and I am here to quench your yearning.

Pretty privilege refers to beautiful people getting favors solely based on their looks.

According to research, the term pretty privilege was borrowed from Peggy McIntosh’s idea of white privilege which later evolved to body and pretty privilege. Pretty privilege is an infamous term that refers to economic, social and political benefits made for both men and women merely based on their physical appearance. Society in this case has dictated that particular social benefits are restricted to a particular group of individuals who meet the standard image that is found to be befitting. Tall, dark and handsome for the gents or average height, light skinned and curvy for the ladies. The beauty specifications vary depending on the different cultures but if you look keenly, pretty privilege has it’s roots firmly grounded.

According to research, the term pretty privilege was borrowed from Peggy McIntosh’s idea of white privilege which evolved to body and pretty privilege.

Pretty privilege has brought about concepts such as stigmatization of obesity and sizeism which is a menace in this digital era. It affects everyday life for many people because in some cases, being pretty could be an indicator of intelligence or in employment, it could be the determinant of whether you’ll be hired, promoted or fired. A study done in 2021 showed that beautiful people have good moral traits and are more trust worthy than others. Due to the fact that they feel appreciated because of their beauty, they tend to have impeccable social skills, confidence, more competence, seem likable and persuasive.

A study done in 2021 showed that beautiful people have good moral traits and are more trust worthy than others.

However, it’s not always a ride in the park for those considered “pretty”. Being pretty could also cause a backlash among those who feel like they are at a disadvantage because they can’t matchup to the set beauty standards. It can bring about discrimination, resentment and discontent. For a pretty person who is used to getting favors, this might impact them negatively and in extreme cases, they might even fall into depression or anxiety in case they are faced with a situation contrary to their expectations. Pretty privilege sets standards that are not favorable but again we are all beautifully made with our uniqueness.

Ps. Just Saying.

ALONE BUT NOT LONELY(Solitude)

A friend of mine once shared with me his experience on solitude. “I can’t be alone or entertain the thought of me not having someone to talk to.” I thought to myself that his situation definitely puts him in a very vulnerable position because he would and will put up with anything just to have some company. “What if you encounter a toxic person or violent person?” I inquired from him. ” It’s better than being alone, “he answered. And that friends, is where my pursuit to convince him to try solitude started.

“What if you encounter a toxic person or violent person?” I inquired from him. ” It’s better than being alone, “he answered.

Solitude by definition is the quality or state of being alone or in other words, away from society; a state of seclusion. Solitude allows us to accommodate more tranquil and relaxing thoughts that bring about inner peace. Growing up, I grew accustomed to the warmth of being in people’s company up until I wasn’t. Being bullied back in kindergarten coerced me into solitude which I won’t lie was tough but it came in handy. Years later after clocking adulthood, I realized how important that phase of my life was. Luckily, it doesn’t have to be that brutal for you. I’ll give you insight on how to be alone but not lonely.

Most people mistake solitude for loneliness. Loneliness is the sense of isolation that persists stubbornly even when people are around while on the other hand solitude is the choice to be alone and during this time, you reflect on yourself and also enjoy your own company. You can engage in activities like meditation, taking a nature bath, or even treating yourself to a relaxing self-care activity like manicure, pedicure or a solo-date. I know it sounds weird especially talking about a solo-date in this social era but hear me out.

You can engage in activities like meditation, taking a nature bath or even treating yourself to a relaxing self-care activity like manicure, pedicure or a solo-date.

Solitude allows you to focus on you; your feelings, your mental wellness and your intuition. Through self-reflection and meditation, you’ll be able to interpret your feelings and listen to your intuition. Solitude doesn’t have to be lonely but too much of it is dangerous. Social withdrawal can be re-energizing but too much of it might cause loneliness that may birth issues like depression, anxiety, low self-esteem and sleep problems. Enjoy what solitude has to offer and if you don’t know where to start, engaging in activities that you like while alone is a good start. Good luck on your solitude journey!

Ps. Just Saying.