JUST SAYING

YOU PRICK!(Gaslighting)

I have much to say about people who gaslight others but I am going to hold in the violence. I am not making any promises because the damage that they cause is lethal. They definitely deserve to be called pricks, even worse but I promise to behave myself so lets just stick to prick. Many at times, people go through torment especially in relationships be it platonic, philia or romantic relationships. Gaslighting refers to manipulating someone by psychological means such that they doubt their own sanity. This causes the victim to doubt their own reality making them feel as if they have some loose nuts in the head. They tend to mislead their victims and make them question their perceptions about certain matters. The victims on the other hand end up doubting their sanity and even memory. They use a tactic popularly known as love bombing. At first, the person will be warm and shower you with loads of compliments just so that they can enamor you and that’s when phase on of their manipulation begins.

Once you let your guard down, that’s when they pry on your weaknesses. These pricks now start telling simple lies. The lies then advance as they try to control the narrative convincing the victim that they have the wrong picture. What’s even worse is that they bring in reinforcement to further confuse the victim. They even go to the extent of turning the victim’s friends and family against them calling them delusional and insisting that they are lying. Almost everyone and anyone is susceptible to this gaslighting tactics and they are more effective that you would perceive them to be. These people have crafted their devious act and thrive by making fools out of very sane and capable people in the society. They try to sell the idea that they are being victimized especially when manipulating the victim seems a bit complicated. They completely shutter their victims trust making them develop an unhealthy habit of suspecting everyone close to them.

There is nothing nice to say about them. However, some people who gaslight others have certain personality disorders like narcissistic personality disorder and psychopathy. I can’t help it but feel sorry for people who have these personality disorders. It’s not an excuse for them to gaslight others but I feel like they can’t help themselves. Gaslighting is an abusive behavior since they aim at controlling the victim alongside manipulating them. It’s wrong in all forms because the victims end up depressed, with anxiety disorders or personality disorders. If you are suffering from narcissistic personality disorder or psychopathy, seek medical attention in order to avoid causing harm to those closest to you. If someone is gaslighting you or showing signs of doing so, you better set your boundaries but if it’s not clear enough you should just cut them off for your sanity. Always remember that you come first. Love and value yourself hunnie!

Ps. Just Saying.

I AM ENOUGH!(Body Dysmorphia)

” I can’t stand looking at myself in the mirror. I can’t curb the need to look myself in the mirror. When I look, all I see is my flaws; my unfinished brows, my attention-seeking tummy and to top it all off a huge zit decides to steal the show and pop on my forehead. Damn it! Don’t get me started on my massive jugs. If only there was a way I could reduce them to a desirable size. Maybe, just maybe my clothes would fit me better and just maybe the guy I like would pay attention to me. I want to fix everything about me. I want to be the epitome of perfection. I want to be enough! How do I make my eyebrows grow? How do I lose my tummy? How do I reduce my jugs?” Questions, questions, so many questions. Flaws, flaws, so many flaws. Perfect imperfections!

Body Dysmorphia is a mental illness that entails being obsessed with flaws and defects that they have in appearance. Someone suffering from Body Dysmorphia has tendencies of thinking about perceived flaws. Most of the flaws are mirrored or imagined and they deeply affect the victim. They excessively focus over one or more parts of your body. It could be the face; shape of the nose, complexion, wrinkles, acnes and other blemishes. The hair thinning or baldness, rough skin, breast size, muscle size or tone and genitalia. In males, they experience muscle dysmorphia. The symptoms include anxiety, general discontentment, intrusive thought, compulsive, behavior, depression, embarrassed, avoiding social situations, avoiding the mirror, constantly looking at themselves in the mirror and they often tend to be suicidal.

Muscle dysmorphia is the obsessive need for males to have large well-toned muscles.

The causes of this disorder are; family history. A person is more likely to contract the disorder if they have a blood relative who also suffers from the disorder. Negative environment or experiences when growing up might develop the disorder. Trauma, abuse and neglection as a child might trigger the disorder. Some personality traits like perfectionism don’t make it any easier. Societal pressure about how a person should look causes the disorder. Beauty standards is what they call it. Screw those standards! Other mental conditions such as anxiety or depression might cause body dysmorphia. Some complications have low self-esteem, social isolation, depression, mood disorders, suicidal thoughts, anxiety disorders, obsessive compulsive disorder, substance misuse, health problems and physical pain. Unfortunately, there is no prevention but it can be controlled by reassuring those who have body dysmorphia to appreciate their flaws. Moreover, it can be treated by cognitive behavioral therapy and medication.

It’s important to know that despite what people think about our bodies, we are beautiful and our flaws are what make us unique and stand out. Screw beauty standards and insensitive opinions that others make. Strive to love and appreciate yourself more. Get your self love in check and work towards body positivity. We should avoid making insensitive comments about other people’s bodies. Learn to love and appreciate other people’s flaws because we are all perfectly imperfect. WE ARE ENOUGH!

Ps. Just Saying.

NATURE VS NURTURE(Serial killer gene)

Let’s get a little dark today. We sometimes tend to think that people choose to do despicable acts just because they want to. However, a new discovery has been made that says otherwise. What if most of these notorious serial killers turned out like that because they inherited a wrong gene? What if they were denied the choice and chance to be normal? They didn’t get to have a say as to what they would become. The environmental factors surrounding them didn’t make it any easier. Their genetic make up and environment nurtured them to be brutal and cold hearted murders. What about those with the gene and have the capacity to be compassionate? Some serial killers without the gene but their environment growing up turned them into monsters. So many questions unanswered. This brings me to today’s topic of discussion; “the warrior gene” or more popularly known as “the serial killer gene”.

The MAOA gene and the CHD13 gene are responsible for the aggressive behavior in serial killers’. The MAOA gene or “the psychopath gene” plays a major role in the breakdown of neurotransmitters. The hormones involved in this process are serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine. The hormone serotonin is responsible for impulse control, regulation, sleep, appetite and enables brain cells to communicate with each other. Dopamine is responsible for mood, motivation, reward, arousal and other behaviors. The norepinephrine is responsible for is responsible for the fight and flight reactions. The MAOA gene is responsible for violence, aggression and impulsivity. impulsivity is what makes the individuals with the MAOA gene very unpredictable. they act without foresight, their decisions are poorly conceived and they make unnecessarily risky decisions that are inappropriate to the situation at hand. The CHD13 gene oversees proliferation, migration and the connectivity of neurons. This gene causes the Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder which is characterized by impulsivity.

Impulsive when it comes to making the right decisions.

The MAOA gene or “the warrior gene” is used as a scape goat for violent actions. The gene is more common in men and it’s equivalent to “the happiness gene” for women. Serial killers are basically split into four types;

Power and control- the serial killers are motivated to kill since the crave to have power over their victims and control them.
Visionary- the killer believes that there is an entity that is commanding them to kill his or her victims. They suffer from psychosis.
Mission-oriented- they work towards riding the society of certain groups of people that they deem unworthy.
Hedonistic- they kill for personal pleasure; lust, thrill and comfort.

In the ongoing debate of nature vs nurture, we are yet to come up with a definite conclusion to how the MAOA and CHD13 gene affects others despite of the environmental factors and how others suppress this gene and don’t go rogue. We also don’t have answers as to why people without the gene and conducive environment still become serial killers. The debate centers on the relative contributions of genetic inheritance and environmental factors to human development. Will we ever get to answer these questions?

Types of serial killers; Power and control, visionary, mission-oriented and hedonistic.

Ps. Just Saying.

YOU DEADBEAT!(Leading on)

“Omg! I like him! He’s everything I want in a man. He calls me everyday, same time, he’s always texting and he’s so sensitive. We met barely two weeks ago and he’s already confessing his feelings towards me. Is he the one I have been waiting for? He must be the one for me. Thing is he’s way to perfect. I can’t seem to find a flaw. Is that a red flag in itself? Maybe I’m just overthinking. I should just enjoy this moment when it lasts. It’s probably nothing. He loves me, he loves me not. He loves me, he loves me not.” Um, I have some very straightforward news for you sis.

He loves you not! Perfect imperfections; all human beings are imperfect. Here comes a guy who presents himself as the “perfect guy”. He seems to tick all your boxes. I am not saying that it’s not possible but what I’m saying is that we should be realistic. Deadbeat! He’s most definitely trying to lead you on honey. He will lead you on, get what he needs from you be it love, affection, time and he will up and leave. All high on emotions, you will go through turmoil trying to comprehend what happened or what you did wrong. That’s just the thing, it wasn’t about you from the beginning. It was about him and extorting you to get what he wants or needs.

It can happen both ways. Sometimes a lady can lead on a man but on very rare occasions. High chances are that this guy who is leading you on has options or you are just an option; worse you are a play toy to spice up his life when he gets bored. Too blunt, right? That’s how the truth should be. He probably texts frequently and disappears without a heads up but he’s very apologetic when he resurfaces. He sets up meet ups in queer places or comes up with weird monotonous excuses to cancel meet ups. Oh, here’s the most common symptom of the “fall victim to leading on syndrome”, he guilt trips you every chance he gets. He’s persistent in proving his feelings are not orchestrated through words instead of showing you through his actions.

Sweet charming words instead of actions.

“I love you.” Pleasant words to hear but unfortunately eighty percent of the time we hear these words, they are not genuine. Guys are dishing out these words just like the alphabet. Everyone loves love. Everyone wants to be loved but thing, is do you want the fake love? These three words are very special and someone who just says them without any meaningful intent is leading you on sis. If you are not interested in a lady, MAN UP!!! Stay away from her or him, mostly her. Just be a decent human being. Will it kill you? If it does you’ll die a decent human being. It’s a win-win for you. Ladies, stay on your toes and be weary of guys who lead you on. Protect yourself from such deadbeat guys. Trust your gut!

Ps. Just Saying.

YOU SIMP!(Unrequited love)

Have you ever liked someone so much that everything comes to a stand still whenever they are in the room? He or she doesn’t even know of your existence but you can’t help yourself like them. It could be a celebrity, the handsome guy next door, the hottest guy in class or the ex that you can’t get over. Your feelings towards them are so intense, damn could be you even love this person. However, they might not notice you, they don’t know you or give a damn about your existence.

You seem to have a case of unrequited love. It sucks that we cannot control when and who to fall in love with. Scientifically, love is a chemical reaction attributable to the hormones oxytocin and dopamine in the brain. It’s such a shame that we don’t have a grip over these hormones. The hormones work the same in both unrequited love and mutual love. Unrequited love is love that isn’t reciprocated. In most cases, unrequited love is as a result of lack of mutual chemistry and lack of will. Unrequited love is also evident when love from one of the person in the relationship fades as time passes.

Signs of unrequited love are so conspicuous. It’s up to you to avoid denial and face this head on. The signs of unrequited love are; feeling like you are getting nothing while you give too much, sacrificing your time and energy while getting nothing in return, thinking about this person makes you unnecessarily anxious, there is minimal or no physical contact, they avoid spending quality time with you by coming up with lame excuses and you feel that you are not being appreciated and treated in a good way. You can relate to a few of this signs, right? It’s not that deadly or contagious. You will get over it and you’ll be fine.

If you suffer from unrequited love, there’s a ray of sunshine. You can gradually overcome it and get back to normal in no time so have a little faith. You can overcome being a simp by accepting and moving on. It won’t be easy but it’s better to face reality sooner. You should love yourself and pamper yourself. Self love will save you from unnecessary trauma. Don’t try to look for reasons or closure. It is what it is! Move on homey! Try avoid social media stalking. Block! Block! Block! And again I say block! That’s the only way to heal. Some people say it’s childish but it’s there price you have to pay for your sanity. It’s not that costly so do it!

It may be hard to socialize at this point because you tend to assume that history will repeat itself but socializing is a good way to rid yourself from unhealthy thoughts. Being around a crowd or engaging in team work activities is most definitely a good distraction. It’s key that you also know that you are not alone. So many lads and ladies all over the globe go through this. You should strive to get through it and keep on living. Your love interest is doing the same, so why should it be any different for you? If you are the one receiving unrequited love, find a way to let them down slowly. Make sure that your intentions are very clear.

If you let unrequited love get the best of you, you will put yourself in harm’s way. You will have esteem issues, frustrations, addictions, anxiety, unhealthy rebound relationships and even extreme measures such as self harm. We don’t want that now do we? It is painful to experience this but feel the feelings and move on. You will find love, you will find your person. It’s not now but it will happen for you. Hang in there!

Ps. Just Saying

AROUND THE “TIK-TOK”(Tourettes Syndrome)

It started off with me sucking my thumb back in preschool. “A pair of gloves soaked in pepper will work,” my mother said. It did! However, you can’t beat a tic that easy. In no time, my tongue was involved. Involuntary, I would find myself sucking my tongue and it’s followed by massaging my knee. Kids would laugh, call me names and make fun of me. They tried smacking my tongue with a ruler soaked in pepper whenever I sucked it but I advanced and started sucking it from the inside. Till date, it’s a habit I can’t quite rid myself from. I might be doing it now while writing this and I might not be aware of it.

This brings me to this neurodevelopment disorder known as Tourettes. Tourettes is a disorder that is characterized by multiple movements that are repetitive and unwanted sounds which can’t be controlled. These unwanted movements are known as tics. It’s preceded by an uncontrollable sensation in the muscles affected. Some common tics include; blinking, coughing, grunting sounds, sniffing, shrugging shoulders, offensive words, tongue thrust, lip smacking, winking and facial movements. Tourettes affects males more than ladies. Male are more vulnerable to acquiring this disorder.

Types of tics.

Motor tics. This involves the movement of the body. They include; blinking, jerking arm, shrugging shoulders ,just to mention but a few.Vocal tics. This involves making vocal sounds like humming, clearing throat, yelling out a word or phrase. Simple tics. They are sudden, brief and repetitive. They involve a limited number of muscles like squinting eyes or lip smacking Complex tics. These tics are distinct, coordinated and involves several muscle groups like shrugging shoulders, yelling a phrase, blinking and repeat.

Causes of tics

Causes of tics are unknown but it is assumed that it is inherited and sometimes due to environmental factors. Chemicals in the brain can transmit nerve impulses. Risk factors include family history and gender since males are more prone to Tourettes compared to females but that doesn’t mean women can’t contract it.

Involuntarily blurting out offensive words is a *tic*.

Complications

Sleeping disorder
Pain related to tics(backaches or headaches)
Obsessive-compulsive disorder(OCD)
Depression
Anger management problems
Learning disabilities
Autism spectrum disorder
Anxiety disorders
Attention deficit/ hypersensitivity disorder(ADHD)

When one has tics, they tend to worsen if you are too excited, stressed or anxious. Some people are lucky enough to grow out of these tics but for some it gets worse with time. The fact that it’s cause is unknown makes it hard to treat but there are ways to make it better by going through psychotherapy. Hypnosis, guided meditation, relaxation techniques and deep breathing exercises are a good start when it comes to handling this tics. If you have a tic, this is to let you know that you are not alone and you can get through it. If you have a friend who suffers from Tourettes or has a tic, you are now informed so avoid making fun of them. Support, love them and make them feel comfortable around you. Times up! See you in my next piece. Ciao!

Ps. Just Saying.

LONE IS THE NEW NORM!(Schizoid personality syndrome)

“I don’t want to associate or engage in social activities”. You are in a social setting but feel like you are alone. You try to make a conversation but it feels plastic. Kind of like you are trying too hard. The conversation seems stilted. You wish that you stayed home and binge watched Netflix. You posses a rich and elaborate but exclusively internal fantasy world. Your fantasy world is your escapade. You feel as if you are missing out on something but you can’t quite put your finger on it. You just blow it off like “eee… whatever!” Eee, you should pay keen attention. This piece is solely meant for you.

Schizoid personality disorder is a disorder that is characterized by an individual living a solitary sheltered lifestyle, secretiveness, apathy and detachment. An individual tends to avoid social activities and constantly shy away from interactions with others. This disorder has similar symptoms to schizotypal personality disorder and schizophrenia. The individuals lack the ability to make social connections and have a limited range of emotional expressions. These individuals are continually seen as loners, odd or eccentric . They are dismissive of others and may appear as though they don’t care about others or things that are happening around them. In simple terms unbothered.

Lack the ability to make social connections.

Symptoms

Schizoid personality disorder usually begins in early adulthood. The symptoms of this personality disorder include:

Prefer to be alone or choose to do activities alone.
No reaction to praise or critical remarks from others.
May seem humorless, indifferent or emotionally cold.
Notion that they can’t experience pleasure.
May appear to lack motivation or goals.
They don’t want or enjoy close relationships.
Limited range or emotions
Feel little or no desire for relationships.(sexual)

Schizoid personality disorder usually begins in early adulthood. The causes of Schizoid personality disorder have not yet been clearly defined. However, a combination of genetic and environmental factors particularly in early childhood do play a major role. An individual is at risk of contracting this disorder if their parent or relative suffer from the disorder or being raised by a cold parent who is unresponsive to your emotional needs. The disorder can spark complications which include:

Contracting other personality disorders such as Imposter Syndrome.
Contracting anxiety disorders such as Generalized Anxiety Disorder.
Can lead to major depression.
Developing schizotypal personality disorder or schizophrenia or another delusional disorder.

Schizoid personality disorder is a long-term disorder. There is no definite treatment for this disorder but that doesn’t mean that if you have it, it’s the end of the road for you. Make an appointment with a psychiatrist in order to figure out what steps to take towards recovery. Do not dismiss it as a normal occurrence. Human beings need to associate. We were never meant to be alone or spend time alone. When we dissociate ourselves from the outside world, we create a void that makes us feel unsettled and that’s when depression comes knocking. Now that you know about this disorder, you are in control. Take charge!

Ps. Just Saying.

FREE THE “PEACHES”!(braless)

Growing up, I couldn’t wait till my “peaches” were ripe enough for me to put on a bra. I mean, I felt intimidated by my peers who were already blossoming into young attractive ladies. Having a man’s chest was very challenging. I know I am not alone in this. Later on, I blossomed and now my “peaches” are ripe enough. Not ripe to be harvested but ripe to show that I do not have retarded growth. I might even share, only trouble is I do not know how to. Today, we are going to look into the pros of not wearing a bra. How is that possible? Won’t be uncomfortable? Won’t my breasts sag?

All these concerns above are valid and you deserve answers which I am about to outline for you right now. Wearing an appropriate bra depending on bra size is key and so is letting your “peaches” free. Not wearing a bra is good for better blood circulation. Wearing a bra for hours might feel constricting, suffocating and downright uncomfortable. Tight bras can reduce blood flow causing pain and aches around the shoulders and upper back. Just let your “peaches” breath.

Going braless improves muscle tone and breast shape.

Boosting breast skin health. Bras regularly trap dirt and sweat against the skin of the breast. This causes pores to clog and skin irritation. Picture this, you wear a bra for eight hours while at work or school. All those hours of dirt and sweat. When we stay braless, we give the skin a chance to breath and the skin remains clear of any irritants. Staying braless also improves muscle tone and breast shape. There is this common myth that not wearing a bra will cause your breasts to sag. Well, that’s only a myth because muscle tissues evolve to provide natural protection. The pectoral muscles in the chest are strengthened to support breasts.

It improves breast health. Wearing a tight bra might cause chest pains, shortness of breath and discomfort. Bras are an accessory therefore they should not interfere with your comfort. No bra is equal to a better night’s sleep. Wearing a bra while sleeping interferes with your sleeping cycle because you will be very uncomfortable. Nothing and I mean absolutely nothing should come in between you and your sleep. Not even an uncomfortable bra. The breasts also look perkier. It might be uncomfortable at first but once you get used to it, there is no going back. If you just can’t stay without a bra, we get you but maybe try taking it off after a long day of feeling constricted. Free the peaches!!!

Ps. Just Saying.

COCKTAIL PARTY EFFECT(selective hearing)

When someone is talking to you while you are watching an important episode of your favourite series, say Bridgerton, you are most likely not to hear what the person is saying. Selective hearing. People tend to hear what they want to hear. Selective hearing is the ability to listen to a single speaker while in a crowded or loud environment. The ability to lock out certain sounds from your ear. It is also known as selective auditory attention or cocktail party effect. Selective hearing is a helpful phenomenon though it can be problematic if you should be paying attention to certain information being communicated.

Selective hearing works in reference to goals, vision and brain activity patterns. When it comes to goals, the brain chooses what to listen to based on what you are trying to do or achieve. This comes in when you are focused on completing your favourite series and someone is talking to you. High chances are that you won’t listen to what the person is saying since your goal is to complete the series. It’s your main priority. Vision is important in hearing. Visual cues are an important part of selective hearing. You are most likely to pay attention to someone you see rather than someone out of sight.

Listening also depends on brain activity. The brain does not reflect on sounds in the environment but what it wants to hear. The brain allows you to identify and pay attention to important auditory information while filtering out background noise. Sometimes selective hearing is as a result of aging. Other factors that are related to partial hearing loss are diabetes, exposure to loud noises, poor circulation, smoking, use of certain medication and family history of partial hearing loss.

Sensory information including sound comes in and the brain processes it by :

Filtering and enhancing (the brain alerts you when someone calls out your name)
Selective perception (when you don’t enjoy your favourite meal when anxious)
Sensory contrast (it’s like a candle’s effect in a dark room and candle and sunshine)
Prioritizing (the feel of cloth is unimportant unless there is a tag abrading the skin)

Selective hearing might come as a challenge to many. Here are some tips on how to be a better listener. Firstly, learn how to pay attention. You can program your brain to listen to important information. Secondly, ask questions frequently in a conversation. It helps with concentration. Thirdly, mind your own biases and summarize. The brain prioritizes sound that is important to you. Selective hearing comes in handy sometimes. Like an unhealthy argument. You can simply turn it down and remain unbothered. It’s a gift in disguise.

Ps. Just Saying.

LA CASA DE PAPEL!(Series)

La casa de papel(the House of Paper) or money heist as you all know it as was set for release today, 5th April, 2021 according to sources on the internet. However, the creator of the series, Alex Pina claims that it’s not set for release. The television series was first released on 2nd May, 2017. The original language of the series is Spanish. It cuts across three genres; crime drama, heist and thriller. It has a total of 38 episodes and four Seasons excluding the long awaited Season Five which was set for release last year July but due to the unavoidable COVID-19 pandemic, there was a delay.

The drama series traces two long prepared heists led by the professor (Álvaro Morte) on the Royal Mint of Spain and one on the Bank of Spain. The story is told on real time but it has other aspects of flashbacks and time-jumps. The story is based on Tokyo’s perspective (Ursula Corberó). The series has a lot of action and thrill. The series stars the following talents, Úrsula Corberó as Tokyo, Álvaro Morte as Professor, Itziar Ituño as Raquel Murillo, Enrique Arce as Arturo Roman, Jaime Lorente as Denver, Redro Alonso as Berlin, Miguel Herrán as Rio, Darko Peric as Helsinki and Alba Flores as Nairobi.

The crime series has used production locations in Spain, Panama, Italy and Thailand. It has won Best Drama at International Emmy Awards, Premios Fénix and Premios Iris. It has won many more awards on Premios Iris. It has an 8.3/10 rating. Àlex Pina claims that Season five will be released later in the year. So the fans of the series should practice a little bit of patience as we wait for the series to stream on Netflix. Meanwhile get ready to get swept of your feet as we wait to see what more La casa de papel has in store for us. I am pretty sure it’s mind- blowing thrill as always.

Ps. Just Saying.