Love. We are all chasing this elusive concept that feels so close at heart yet so far at sight. We all want to be seen, to be understood and to find home.
A place where you belong without having to try too hard. A place where all your emotions weave into perfect harmony.
Now, this need is also a ticking time bomb. People with ulterior motives have learned how to harness it’s power for malice.
The will to live is a concept that most of us tend to overlook. We live just because we exist and without knowing it, we count our days instead of making our days count. I know it sounds coy, like something a motivational speaker would say but hear me out. I took a trip to Lamu a couple of weeks back and I had a life transforming experience that got me thinking deeply about my intentionality when it comes to living life.
Done and dusted! The first quarter of the year is done and it’s a clear depiction of the popular phrase “time waits for no man.” Another year is going by and it begs the question, are you making progress or are you stuck in the endless loop of comfort? At this moment, the we are running on the high of being unstoppable and you can already play out your picture perfect life that’s yet to unfold but this fantasy bubble soon evaporates at the slightest sign of trouble. Reality comes crashing and rebuilding the once perfect castle becomes an impossible task.
Seeking validation is defined as the constant need for external approval. It influences how you perceive yourself. You attach you worth to other people’s approval and opinions. Conditional self-worth gives people power over how you value yourself. We often crave attention from others especially when we need them to notice what we are doing.
The worst is never really the worst. Not a phrase that we like to hear but there is much truth in this statement. Whether we anticipate it or not, the bad will always happen. Call it the equilibrium of life. Life has to find balance, the good and bad have to exist equally. They are like the ying and yang; two opposite forces that complement each other to form a whole.
Love bombing is described as a toxic relationship when a partner tries so hard to make the other feel like the are loved deeply in an uncomfortable way. This restricts you from being yourself. The manipulation is disguised by intense love, attention and affection.
I once heard a guy scold ladies who lock themselves in the whole weekend then proceed to say that they are single and just find love. “Where do you expect to find a man to date you? You don’t expect a man to drop like manner from heaven? Or magically appear on your doorstep with a bouquet of flowers and ring, proposing to you and you live happily ever after?” Actually, all these are pretty decent ideas that most ladies wouldn’t mind. It would save us the hassle of engaging in small talk that barely leads anywhere but the gutter.
The Grey Rock method is a strategy of protecting yourself from abusive or toxic friends, partners, co-workers and family members. It entails becoming unresponsive to abusive or manipulative behavior so that the perpetrator loses interest. Abusive people thrive on attention and validation.
The “care-bear” method is a term that was coined from the popular app TikTok. This comes with a couple of testimonials from countless people attesting to how this method works and put you in a position of “control” or “power”. The concept behind this method is ghosting someone you are romantically interested in briefly the reconnecting with them in a “new” way.
Everyone has an absurd story of how they have witnessed a Gen Z and confidently call out someone older in whatever set up for an injustice they had observed. In a recent trend, Gen Z came up with the mantra “being delulu is the solulu”. When we talk about delusion, it triggers a different reaction from different generations. The older generation will probably say, “that’s a terrible way to live, just go out there and work like the rest of us.” However, the younger generation have a contrary opinion. With the new world order, things are not favorable for the young generation. Learned but no jobs, more liberal but misunderstood, and more confident but considered entitled. Now this is where the mantra comes in and serves it’s purpose.
JUST SAYING